It’s been raining and cloud covered most of the weekend. Longer since there was a full on sunny day. And I got to thinking about the weather of my mood and attitude over my life. It was stormy in my adoleascence (like pretty much everyone). But the brewing of that tempest started earlier.
I fully believed in the ideas of Murphey and the skewed odds presented in his laws. Karma was rigged to let me pay threefold for the slightest transgression but credits for good deeds would be held in savings until I matured.
So I cast my grim about, wearing a certain degree of paranoia like a designer suit and I tailored it with practice. I sewed on embellishments to mark the tragedies of life and trimmed away my hope for better.
And I reached a fair level of homeostasis and comfort. Twisted sure, but predicting that the world is nestled in a basket belonging to Hades eases the seeminly randomness of most days. And the darker the oracle offerings the more I discovered or created evidence to support the prophecies.
Then I did grow up a bit. I recovered a fraction of my tact and then relabeled myself as a realist. I graduated to a position of saving others by pointing out how messed up most things were and the enevitable deterioration of any bright and shiny new toy, whether it be place, property, philosophy, or person.
Yet this was perhaps just a progression of the original pessimism. New name, but as predetermined, the newness rubbed off quickly and then I was left with the aftermath of being just an unlikeable downer. Sure I could be entertaining but more sideshow than main act. See the amazing dream shredder – only two cents.
Somewhere along the way I started hiding that side of me. Not well, but I was able to keep it invisible or under the surface more often than not. But the clouds were still there and my suit was drenched from the deluge. And best discriptor – I became musty.
I guess the simple of the transformation was learning to love someone and all they brought with them – and them saying yes to so many things. Their belief that life with me was better than without. My belief life with them was better than without.
And then life was better – more. Not always, but more. The storms still rage sometimes. But even when they threaten to wash it all away, I know that they are part of the process. That it takes rain for there to be growth, we never get to repair if nothing gets damged, and we never know what we can endure if there aren’t tests.
Then the dawn broke clear. Not sure when it started but now people hand me discriptors like uplifting, future focused, positive, and as always looking at the brighter side. I don’t know if I am how some see me – optimistic, but I have converted from being pessimistic.
I like to see it as advantage focused. I try to ask what the gain is of the situation. I look for the benefit. I still see the loss, the cost, but I don’t dwell on them. It takes the same amount of energy to focus on what can go wrong as it does to focus on what can go right. It is a decision. It is a matter of choice.
But people respond better to hope than dispair. Don’t ignore the possibility of better to avoid the pain of now. Share with someone today what you’re hopeful about. Inspire someone with the possibility you see in the world for better. Share those here or on social media or wherever.
Thanks as always.
With civility – Brian