Not really sure what to write for this post. Guess I’m a little lost in thought and not particularly in a rush to sort them all out. I have tried in the past to make it through faster – find myself I guess. Funny thing is that when I take a better look at the process I discover I was never really lost in the first place.
It’s a misperception, a trick of the mind. A sense of separateness that is more illusion then real. It certainly is uncomfortable but not worthy of the misery I create. The suffering I experience with this “being lost” comes from my impression that I must always be moving, driving toward some goal.
The urge to do rather than experience.
But when I follow the feeling I find fears of being left behind, becoming insignificant and unnoticed, and embarrassment of not living up to my potential.
Amazing how certain phrases from when we are younger are latched onto my the mind and become clubs we beat ourselves up with. “You used to have so much potential.” That’s the phrase. And it haunts me at times still. I’m working to flip it in my head though. To reframe the whole idea into one borrowed from physics.
See, I had put in a lot of work up to that point and was basically at rest…maybe coasting at most. What they had seen before was lots of effort and so now they saw me doing nothing. To them I had stopped progressing.
But if we take a physics perspective…while at rest I actually had massive amounts of potential – potential energy – because of the work I had put in before. As I started moving it changed to kinetic energy. Dynamic and expansive and lots of movement.
And this characterizes most of my life. This work, rest, and movement cycle. Being lost of thought is integral to my process. I need the time to reflect and be introspective. I must get lost in thought from time to time or there is no direction to my movement and there is a waste of effort and work. I wonder if all of us would do better with this frame.
It seems we are work and movement obsessed, but I question if it is actually getting us the best results. For example, my daughter is expected produce at a certain rate in kindergarten. She has never been that kid with steady progress though. Her growth has been in jumps and starts – working hard at something and then abandoning it for a few days or weeks. Then she wakes up one morning and something just clicks and she has it. It isn’t linear like expectations deem normal.
But what if she is naturally using a work – rest – move pattern. Not sure if I want to try her to get out of that.
Take a moment and reflect. Has most of your progress come from driving forward without stop, or do you make leaps and bounds after taking a break, letting things mull, or sleeping on it?
Thanks as always.
With civility ~ Brian